360

Yesterday was a shocking day. A single announcement made my life stopped for a while and make me think through, 'Oh, this is gonna be the end?'. I was seriously shocked and murung for a whole night.

I don't know how to describe this feeling actually. Some said it mixed feelings. Some say, aggrieved. All of us can say anything, feel anything. For me, it is both. Mixed and aggrieved, sad and confused but surely not happy at all. 

'Oh, this is the end of our degree life. Nice.' - who have thought. My plan was, at the end of Ramadhan will be the last paper in our LLB - and we take a picture for the last time, shed tears and apologize to each other. Common plan. My friends and I already planned to go back hometown together and konvoi, and packing and breaking the fast at the RnR - yes so details. But who knows. Rancangan tinggal rancangan haha.

I never question God's work. It is not in my discretion and jurisdiction. But what I am always wondering is, what will happen in my future.

So comes the anxiety - anxious to the future that no one will know what will happen. A future that once you kinda have the fantasy on it, but now you scared to imagine even a little because the plan before was not fit to be put in it anymore. It is torture. All the things you imagined, you want to grab and get, suddenly seem blurred and dazed.

But despite all messiness in my head, it was a pleasure and an honor for me to be given this golden opportunity, that came once in my lifetime to get to know you guys. To know many kind souls and bonded together for almost 4 years - from a shy-shy person until we showed our true colors - make mistakes and forgive all of it, start a new page. I just cannot express how lucky I am to be seated in the same room with you guys, worked together for so many events, and mingled around.

My degree life was kinda ups and downs. I got the opportunity to study in Indonesia for two months, went to India for mooting, took a part in a committee, got to know juniors, being seniors, taught by great lecturers and practitioners, traveled with my besties, hanged out at Payek for hours, watched movies every Friday nights - oh God, seriously what else that I want to wish? I experienced almost everything, I love it and I am gonna miss it. Seriously, it was not plain and I am glad.

These things will not come back again in the future. We being young once. Being in the 20s, dumb and broke - just once. We will start a new life as fresh grads after this, apply for a job, and experience another phase of life that there is no end. Work, work, work - marriage, kids - work work work - retired. And believe me, we will miss all these memories that we created together.

Thank you, my friends. Thank you for letting me be a part of you. Thanks for inviting me to mingle with you. Thanks for always being kind to me. Up until this moment, I still hope that the announcement will be canceled, maybe with Ramadhan miracles (who knows, right?), suddenly the virus is gone? haha. I hope it is not some hopeless hope.

I am still considering 2020 will be a great year for me even most of us already canceled this year. I still have the faith that God has the best surprise for me, and us. Amin. And thank you for all of my friends that shared the same perasaan terkilan dan sedih. We are not alone. I really hope can bid a proper goodbye rather than, a goodbye online?

But yah, if fate said that I cannot see you guys for the last time, give a proper farewell, know I love you guys.  You guys have a special spot in my mind and my heart. You guys are the best. 

LPQB visit

Two pictures can never show how my 4 years' LLB life in here. Tapi, cukup mungkin untuk mengubat rindu pada yang jauh nanti - jauh tempat dan masa. Selamat maju jaya di dunia luar!

* * * * *

Kita merancang, Dia pun merancang. Dan rancangan Dia adalah sebaik-baik perancangan. 

Tuhan kalau dah sebut كُنْ فَيَكُونُ - jadi, so jadilah.

ps:oh kejap. Sebenarnya 360, atau 180?